1. Why do I have so much stuff?
I despise movie renditions of moving — a family of four watches movers unpack an average size truck of neat, matching boxes. Every box is the same shape, specifically labeled, and taped shut. This is probably in the top 10 biggest lies that pop culture has ever told me.
Moving sucks. Boxes are expensive, and never fit everything I need. Most of the time I end up shoving stuff into boxes that stay open, then cramming the spaces in between boxes full of unboxed nonsense to save space in my car (ahem, I mean moving truck).
I make so many trips up and down apartment stairs my legs forget what it’s like to walk on level ground and I’m high-knee stomping for a solid week.
2. Is this actually meaningful to me?
The answer is…no.
No, I do not need my middle school yearbooks (why haven’t I burned these yet?)
No, I do not even use one bottle in this graveyard of hair products under my sink.
No, I do not want to ever wear this homecoming dress from 2009 again.
3. How the heck did I put this thing together?
And perhaps more importantly, why do I keep buying furniture that needs to be constructed on my living room floor?
I vow to never buy from Ikea again!
…Except for that cute and budget friendly cart… and shelf… and bedroom set…
4. Is my self-proclaimed clean nature a sham?
I mop, dust, and hoover at least three times a week! How is it possible to have this much dog hair under my couch? This much dust on my bookshelf? This many grains of rice under my stove? Do I need to ask for a Rumba this Christmas?
5. Do vacuums travel with us?
Some of the soundest advice I’ve received from my bestie is that “brooms do not travel with us.” Because, even though I’d never thought of it before, that’s disgusting and a new broom is $7 well spent.
What about my vacuum? Should I bring my dusty sins to my fresh start? This vacuum cost $100… so that’s a yes. I’ll just wash out the chambers with my apparently mediocre cleaning tactics and keep it on the down low.