My dad says I’ll never find a man if I keep letting my dog sleep in my bed.
Honestly, I’m so into that. My dog treats me better than any man from Tinder ever did.
Let me count the ways:
I chose him, he chose me, and he’s loyal AF.
Seriously I just LOVE it when Kermit the Dog snubs pets and pats from random people. My baby knows where the food is, and he would never betray me. Now, obviously he goes up to the occasional stranger to say hello, but as soon as he hears the clearly melodious tones of my voice, he comes sauntering right back to my side. #win
I once went on a Tinder date to the dog park and had to leave my less than loyal companion after he uncomfortably leered at a couple of teenaged girls in crop-tops for a solid 5 minutes… ew.
I don’t have to cook for him.
Scoop and dump twice a day. Sigh. He’s perfect.
And what is it with modern men constantly expecting me to cook for them? Do I love to cook? Yes. Am I going to slave over a stove for a man whose taste buds have become to attuned to Chick-Fil-A that he couldn’t recognize a perfectly toasted risotto if it slapped him in the face? No.
He always wants to go for a walk.
No Netflix and Chill for hours on end with this babe. KTD keeps me active and healthy.
What is it with modern men and their obsession with the gym/weights but fear of parks/cardio. Can we please just go for a walk instead of letting our butts melt into the couch? I’m just trying to keep my vitamin D up, dude.
I get to boss him around 24/7.
I love being the boss. It’s my favorite. KTD will sit, lie down, and roll over at my every whim. (Don’t worry, there are almost always treats involved).
Boys never do what they’re told. Is it laziness? Is it insubordination? Is it stupidity? I’m just not sure. But if I ask you to take your shoes off at the front door, just do it.
Our photos are always Insta, Snap, and Facebook worthy.
Zero embarrassment or hesitation here. I know we’re not breaking up, so I definitely won’t have to go back and crop KTD out later.
I can’t think of documenting my life with a Tinder man. First, it’s rude to have a phone out on a date. Second, Tinder dudes don’t last long, and I can’t even tag them because… well do they even have last names?